April 1st, 2006

You might be wondering what the f*** this date has to do with anything.  You’re likely REALLY wondering what that picture is of.  I simply googled April 1st, 2006 and this is one of the first pictures which came up.  According to google, it is of the Zaney Woodruff Operation reunion.  So hey, thanks to them for their…music?  It looks like they would be a band…doesn’t it?  Anyway, it’s Saturday morning, January 14th, 2017.  Nearly 11 years after the aforementioned April 1st, 2006.  So what’s the significance of this date?  Well, I’ll tell you…first what happened to me on this date.  We’ll get to the significance shortly.

It was a sunny April 1st, a brisk spring day as I recall.  Actually, that’s a lie.  I have no clue as to what the weather was like that day.  But I do remember I had our baseball draft that day.  The Sweet Lou Whitaker was holding it’s 3rd annual player auction, and I had a team setup to win in 2006.  With star players such as Wily Tavares for only a dime, amazing Jays closer B.J. Ryan, and the ever flexible Ryan Freel I was sensing a title run.  I actually did make a title run that year, but at the auction that day I started a run on alcohol that was quite impressive.  If someone tosses a name out that has already been tossed or if you mention a name that has yet to be tossed and it’s not your turn to put a player up for auction, you have to do a penalty shot (I’m certain most of you know what penalty shots are, but for those completely useless dip shits out there…)  Didn’t have a list that day, so the penalty shots were a PLENTY.  Probably did 10 or so, in addition to drinking for the entire 7 hours of the auction.  You’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with April 1st being significant, but don’t worry it’s coming shortly.

I survived though.  Felt pretty tipsy, but was holding my own, and I had to.  The boys were in town for the draft, and it was only 6 o’clock so I had a long ways to go.

Next up, a fight with the girlfriend.  So THIS was fun.  She’s in Edmonton, I’m in Lloyd, she’s a huge bitch (note I didn’t use the word “was”), I’m a freaking GEM, yet I’m piled and she wants to pick a fight with me on the phone while I’m drinking at my buddies…and did I mention I was smashed?  So this went on for a good hour, but in retrospect it might have helped me power through, because I had to stop drinking….as much as I was.  What?  If she’s going to go off on me I’m a least going to put my feet up and enjoy a nice cocktail while she does her worst.  Don’t worry, I’ll get to the importance of the date in just one second.

Once that was done, back to drinking with my buddies who were just sitting around watching TV.  This took place at the now famous Dale Wells’ household.  You know, the producer of the smash hit movie “Fences” starring Denzel Washington?  No seriously, I was drinking in the house of a Hollywood producer.  In fact, I’ve drank MANY times in that house.  I’ve slept in that house.  I’ve been sick in that house.  I’ve had sexual relations in that house.  The phone number for the house was 780-875-3757.  It probably isn’t anymore as Dale hasn’t lived there for years now, but you should still use that phone number to see if it’s still Dale’s.  Maybe someone will answer who isn’t Dale, but they’ll say “yeah, you’re not the first person to call this number looking for Dale, but I’m sorry you have the wrong number” and just when you tell them you’re sorry for bothering them and thanks, they’ve hung up on you and then you’ll be kind of pissed at that person for a minute or so because they didn’t have to be SUCH a dick and could have at least said bye at the end.  No no no, don’t you bail on this piece now, I’m about to get to the main reason for this piece and what was the big event of April 1st, 2006.

But before I do that, we then went out to the bar, where a LOT more drinks were consumed.  Somehow, after this day long bender mixed with all kinds of shots, rye, rum and lots of beer, I’m STILL standing.  And I’m not just still standing, I’m not stumbling and have my wits about me pretty good for a guy who is completely done.  I remember my buddy Geno showed up that night and he was rocking sweat pants in the bar, it was the greatest thing ever!

That’s not what was so special about April 1st, 2006 though.  What was so special about April 1st, 2006 was that….oh yeah, I put a dip in!  And I don’t chew, but when you’re MFing obliterated and one of your buddies whips out his Copenhagen and offers me a pinch of it.  Any other time I kindly decline, so much kindness when I decline things because I’m a good guy unlike that prick who’ll hang up on you without saying bye if you got the WRONG NUMBER!!  This time I accepted the dip, ANNNNNNNND anyone who chews will know this is when ALL the liquor hit me at once, and I could not get to that bathroom quickly enough.  To say I was a mess is such a gross understatement…gross being the key word there.  I’ll leave out some gory details, but I got home that night wearing only my boxers because my clothes were…unwearable we will say.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot the whole reason for this blog and why April 1st, 2006 means anything of any significance whatsoever!  Damn, I basically just wasted a lot of your time!  Completely my fault.

It was the last time the battle of Alberta really meant something for both teams (see, I told you I would get to it).  The Flames were leading the Northwest division and if the Oilers wanted to have a shot at winning the division and getting home ice in the 1st round of the playoffs then they really needed to win this one in regulation.  Wasn’t much of a game, Langkow and Huselius  put on a show for the Flames, Horcoff got one back from Hemsky and Smyth to cut the Flames lead to 3-1, and then other than this nothing else happened:

Nice work Georges!

So you see now kids?  Enjoy this one tonight, because it’s been too damn long since a somewhat meaningful game to both teams took place after December 1st.  This is a pretty big game!  Not to those fans who have had competent management running their teams the last 11 seasons, but it is to us Alberta folk!

I hope you enjoyed my extensive breakdown of the game between the Oilers and Flames on April 1st, 2006.

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